I’m a little embarrassed by how many days in a row I’ve worn these jeans :}  They are not the most flattering jeans, but you cannot beat them for comfort!  Not only are they super baggy, but the cotton is this super soft thin fabric.  Even better?  I got them off eBay for $15!I recently scored this sweater from StyleMint when they had their get 3 for $20 sale.  Yes, this sweater was less than $7 (regularly $69.98)!! The road to having this sweet little nugget was not an easy one.  Looking back now, I’m glad for every road bump, every hope dashed, and every tear shed, because they’ve been blown away by all the laughter and love she has brought into our lives.  For those that have struggled to have a child, it’s SO hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Believe that it is there…

I vascilated between leaving it at that and telling the whole drawn out story (I actually did, but ended up deleting it because it was literally a novel that maybe 2 people would read…)

My story really isn’t any different from many.  We started trying to have Maya a little before I was 35, aka “advanced maternal age”-UGH, can they not think of a better phrase now a days??!!  So…I was somewhat prepared for complications and not so easy road.  What I wasn’t that prepared for was exactly how much of an emotional roller coaster it would be.  Every month, getting your hopes up, and then having them crushed.  A process that is supposed to be joyful, ended up just being frustrating and depressing.

BUT…after two years, almost as soon as I became pregnant, I knew!  Before any kind of testing, I just knew, and I WAS!!  I’m tearing up just typing this.  I took a test early, and it came back positive.  Yes, I still have the test (gross to some, but there is no way I’ll ever throw it away!!)

And then…I got to go get the official word.  The only real bonus to going to a fertility specialist is ALL the extra/early tests you get!  I remember the crappy parking on a downward hill to get to the clinic.  I remember getting in the elevator to get to the office.  I remember it ALL.  And I have the worst memory ever!!

The minute I heard the heartbeat…it became a reality.  Maya became a reality.

A reality, I could never have imagined… A love I could never have imagined.  A joy I could never have imagined, and yet it was mine.

I know so many people that have stories way more complicated and heart wrenching than mine.  The ability to have a child is such a gift.  A gift many can’t have.

I will never stop being thankful for this gift.

On me…

I wear these jeans around the house unrolled, but they look even more unflattering that way.  SOOOO comfy though.  The fabric is so soft that they don’t really hold a roll though.  SO…about every picture I took I had to roll them again… 😦  All in the name of vanity, because I couldn’t show you just how slubby I really look every day-HA!  Oh, and while I’m at it.  Yeah, not only was I NOT showered, we had just gotten back from the gym.  It was such a nice day though, and I knew I wouldn’t have time to take pics after we took our shower/bath.  Maya was already dressed, so I just grabbed what was laying in a heap on my dresser from the day before hahaha.  Thank GOODNESS there’s no smell cam on computers 😉  And double thank goodness for the hat trend!